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Why?
by Cheryl Carroll
April 26, 2008
A good many of my reasons for an action or inaction will never be understood by anybody. I would be okay to leave it at that and provide no explanation, except for the fact that people tend to need reasons and they insert their own when no others are readily available.
So here are some reasons. Please pick and choose and apply them wherever you think they might fit. One of them is sure to be the right one.
- I was saving someone's feelings. (Believe it or not, this one is common.)
- I was saving myself from stress or I was overcome with stress. (The former, often; the latter, not so much.)
- I was responding to what I felt was an injustice towards me or someone I loved.
- I was responding to a private, potentially embarrassing situation, either for myself or another.
- I was doing what I believed was best for someone I loved.
- Life is too short! I needed to do this.
- Life is too short! I couldn't waste time on this.
- Life is too short! I wanted to enjoy it.
- Life is too short!
There are older reasons for older actions, but those are pretty well obvious to all that care, so I won't bother going there.
The single most prevalent reason for me not giving reasons, or giving seemingly senseless reasons, was because I didn't want to bring others into it. I did not want to say something bad about someone, or tell someone's business, or make someone feel indebted or uncomfortable, or hurt someone's feelings, make them angry, etc. In return, people have said a lot of bad things about me, they've told my business, they've hurt my feelings, they've judged me, and yes, they have made me extremely angry. Luckily for me, I live by my last reason--life is too short!
The purpose of this is to open the eyes of those people that think they know me. No one knows me. No one understands me. It's not possible to understand me because I will carry most of my reasons to the grave. I'm not sad about that. I just want to make it abundantly clear that unless the correct reason is chosen from my list above, whatever is said about why I've done "whatever" is probably wrong.
This is especially true with a lot of the "normal" things I've done--actions that wouldn't cause anyone to wonder why. If you think about it, you'll understand what I mean. Both my normal and my way out, wacky ways are the same in one regard--they come from a person that doesn't do "normal."
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